Am I ready?

This morning I received my renewed passport from the Imigration Department. I thank God for their efficiency as they took only one day to make it. Even with the passport at hand, I still feel very unprepared for my trip to Banda Acheh. I must confess that I haven't been utilizing my free time wisely for the past 1 week or so. I find myself watching too much TV and computer monitor. Most of the days I slept late and woke up late. My biological clock is in chaos. Somehow everytime I come back to penang, my sense of direction would be lost. I don't have to worry about going to hospital wads, preparing seminars, planning what to studying, CF etc etc. It's like I've loosen myself (too loose i think). It's like I'm on the other side of the world now.

Now as I look upon my coming trips, first my mission trip to Sibu, Sarawak from 7-14 June 2005, and then my elective trip to Banda Acheh, Indonesia from 21-26 June 2005, I can't help but to question myself 'Am I ready for all these?' Physically I'm not at my best cuz haven't been really exercising plus my irregular sleeping pattern. Spiritually, I didn't really spend quality time in praying and studying the word, apart from the time when I was preparing my teaching sessions for my Sibu trip. Socially, I haven't been going out lately and didn't really catch up with my friends in Penang.

Am I really passionate for the coming challenges? What is my motive? For God or just another self-serving act? Well I believe i need to get my 'bearings' right before I go. Cuz one of the greatest temptation in ministry is serving the expectation of self and others, rather than God Himself.

Moreover, as I will be doing some teaching and sharing in Sibu, I can't help but to remind myself to 'practice what I preach!' For example, I'm going to teach a bunch of kids and youth aged 8-16 on how to study as a christian student. There I will be talking about having a daily quality quiet time with God, good time management and health management...all of which I'm not doing at the moment. I'm supposed to share during one of their youth meeting as well. I have a strong desire to share on 'Imitating Christ' and we Christians tend to live a double lives with double standards. Again for the same reason I find myself struggling as I prepare the sharing.

What about Acheh? I seriously dunno what to expect. Am I prepare to LOVE the Acheh people? Cuz I dun want to go just for the sake of going or gain publicity like many people did. As I think about Jesus, never once did He ask us to love our ministry, yet again and again he command us to love the people...as simple as that.

Well, I guess I have to humble myself before Him. Yet whatever the outcome is, i believe some part of my life will be changed. In fact, I think the process has already begun...